She

567 pages. 38 black and white photographs. A loyal daughter. A silent girl. A confused teenager. A gorgeous lady. A passionate lover. A helpless wife. An astute politician. A frightened mother. A skeptical old lady. A bloody death.

She hated her long over-generous nose. She wished she was not skinny. She loved Kashmir. She fell sick way too often. She loved French. She hated Latin. She was the silent, sometimes uncomprehending witness of the Indian freedom movement. She was totally in awe of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. She was not all that much impressed by Tagore. She proudly called herself "Indu Boy" because her cut resembled that of a smart, young boy.

She fell in love with her teacher during her teenage years – a touch of temporary madness to the otherwise sensible persona. She liked her life in London. She fell head over heels in love with a man, most unlike her in almost every aspect. She kept her engagement a well-guarded secret for quite sometime. She fought passionately to stay with him for life. She looked resplendent on her wedding day. Her marriage was eventually accompanied by a tragic inertia. Circumstances never gave her love a second chance. He left her alone way too soon in the very long course of her life.

She was bound to her father with an unquestioned sense of duty, rather than love. She was tired of living in his shadow, but still continued with it. She loved rubbing her head against his shoulders, while he talked to her about life, India, religion and philosophy. He was the most influential teacher in her life. Her nature, though, somehow irritated him at times. His intellect and charming personality always made her feel incomplete. They fought like kids. They did not talk to each other for months. She was able to open her soul to him in her letters - but, in person, both of them shared a mutual sense of apathy and the pain of her mother’s death, if nothing else. She held him sub-consciously responsible for her failing marriage. When he was around, she wished for a way out from his life. But, she missed him a lot once he was gone.

She was a doting mother. She tried not to repeat the same mistakes she felt her parents had made. She wanted to keep her son away from the infamous field of politics. She tried to give them as normal a life as possible, but she could not stop them from choosing their tragic fate. One son turned out to be her biggest threat in many ways – another son always stood beside her like her silent shadow. Both died a tragic, untimely and painful death – just like her.

She was proud to call herself an Indian. She was possessive about the Indian State. She felt that no one could take care of India like her – just like a mother feels about her child. She was almost forced onto the centre stage of Indian politics. She was the Indian Prime Minister for 16 years. She won two elections by a huge margin. She lost one election - again by a huge margin. India fought one major war against Pakistan under her and emerged victorious. She introduced the most drastic economic reforms amidst huge opposition. She imposed the State of Emergency in India for 21 months. She gave the nod for Operation Blue Star to proceed. She tried to make best out of the political circumstances around her – only to fail miserably. She had a premonition about her violent death and she was ready for it. The men, whom she was supposed to trust the most, assasinated her.

She wanted a normal life. She said there was nothing special about her other than her charismatic father and her strong willed mother. She never imagined that she would lead the country one day. She was the right person at the right place, albeit at the wrong time. She was the most inevitable accident of modern Indian politics. She continues to remain one of the prominent figures of Indian politics on global stage till date. The woman roused the feelings of awe, inane admiration, romanticism, skepticism, disgust, pure hatred, pity and understanding, as I hesitantly peeped into her life – piecemeal - with the words of Katherine Frank, guiding me along. She was Indira Nehru Gandhi.