Marriage - why don't some people understand the weight - true meaning - essence - of this word. Everyone is in a hurry to get married - but do they know what they are signing up for - I don't know. I have seen many friends get married in front of me and most of them are sad - bored - tired. No logic exists - no words can explain it - no silence can justify it - the suffocation of a marriage going bad.
Who can one blame - the wife - the husband - the parents. I don't understand arranged marriages - they somehow mostly don't work in today's world. Don't get me wrong - am not supporting love marriages blindly - but come on - you at least know what you are signing up for - if things go wrong or right, you are at least living the consequences of decisions made by you. In an arranged marriage - you live some one else's decision - is it fair - is it right - I don’t know.
One advice to any guy who would care to listen - treat your girls with respect - they are smart, intelligent girls - treat them well - if you can't make them smile - at least don't hurt them with your words and actions - when you marry a girl, she does not become your slave - get that into your head first. All adjustments are not to be done by the girl alone - learn to adjust for Pete’s sakes!
For girls - adjust with your guys - but not at the cost of your self-respect. It's wrong to take things lying down beyond a certain point. Respect him but don’t forget to respect yourself for what you are - don't let any guy tell you how you are supposed to live your life.
Yep - I have spoken my mind - I can only imagine the helplessness of the two partners involved - pray for them - talk to them. They have to help themselves out - to make things work.
7 comments:
Hello,
i am a big fan of ur blogs.. but some how this one is little confusing and some part i don't agree .
i will come to luv marriage later, let me say something about arranged marriage. u said "I don't understand arranged marriages - they somehow mostly don't work in today's world".... WHY ???? and "In an arranged marriage - you live some one else's decision - is it fair - is it right - I don’t know" again i ask WHY ?????
When u go for arranged marriage, u ll have a chance to speak with him/her. u ll be given chance to understand her. u should take ur time.even after engagement, u ll have time before u get married. and dont u think its your responsibility to know what u want, u r in this world 2008, its ur decision. come on everybody will not get thier luv.
lets come to luv marriage, tell me how many ppl who say they are lovers, are truly lovers. In "todays world" , loving someone has become a fashion. v gud example is orkut. whenever someone gets committed , they will immediately change their status to "committed". its so artificial that, sometimes i feel like, to change that status only they luv someone... Errr. "In todays world" most of d times luv happens on first sight only, without any reason. i dont know how.!! but no one agrees that its just an attraction. they get married in josh and screw up everything.
I strongly agree with your advice. every one should respect their partners with respect. its a mutual understanding. when u get married its not just "me" .. its "us".
when u treat ur partner as a "friend", then it will become a great relationship. I have seen many ppl like that, and personally i would prefer like that.
what i am saying is, luv marriage or arranged, first understand the person and den go ahead.
~/\
What happened to the "I can even marry a lamp post!"?
@anonymous: Point noted. But get the essntial essence of wot I was tryin 2 say - it was something very similar 2 the point made by u - I sided with love marriages only coz u live ur decisions. In arranged marriages, u dont get a choice - dont say no - I can cite atleast 10 examples of people who did not have a say in their arranged marriage - in 2008 - u heard me right :)
@Shaan: Say the whole thing man! I said - " It doesnt matter even if I marry a lamp post as long as my parents are satisfied that it's a Brahmin" :P :P Thats the truth - the whole truth - and nothing but the truth :)
first tell me what do u mean by "choice". when u go for arranged marriage we ll get enough profiles rt? and we should take decision which one to choose there right? gud thing is u ll get an advice from parents also. and those 10 ppl who did not have a say , den its really sad. why it happens.. i dnt knw.
I agree in arranged marriage u may not get lot of time to understand the person but u ll get "enough" time. if we cant take correct decision there, den even if we go for luv marriage, der also chances of choosing wrong person is high.
we should be mature enough to take correct decision. ya in luv marriage, we may live our decision , but what matters is .. will we be happy, have we chosen rt person / correct decision ????
marriages anyway doesn't come with guarantee card. or no buy/back option ;) ;). rather than expecting more, be happy with what u have. Life is really beautiful ;) ;) ..
Thank you,
~/\
To each - his own. That's all I can say :)
Hi Dolly
I enjoyed readng your blogs. Completely agree with you on your post ( in the context of knowing/not knowing your life partner). But in the context of arrange marriage, you presume that the decision making/ judgement is not done by the individuals involved. I think there may be an influence from third person (s), but at the end its the person who is getting into the "institution of marriage " has to take a call and have the ability to own that judgement.
On the gender bias I completely agree that |"life partners" should treat each other with due respect.
Many any Happy Returns of the Day
Kunal
@Kunal: Thanks for your comments and birthday wishes.
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