Dancing

I'm a menace to myself, dancing this close to heartbreak.

~Bright Lights, Big City

Smiling

Nothing makes you smile harder than a simple, off-the-track, casual, least-expected compliment - thanks :)

Arrrrrrrrrggghhh!!!

Its official - filling the annual appraisal is not a fun task - its BORING :)

PS: There are other things happening which make me smile though - so life's good :)

Twice

Two days in a row. Some times you just get lucky :)

Prejudice – stereotypes – bias

I am bored of it – tired of it – makes me wanna go “DAMN” at times. Not every girl is an airhead – some girls DO know Unix.

An afterthought: Not every guy is a pig – gentlemen do exist - believe it or not - had breakfast with one today morning :)

For you - a thousand times over

It’s 1 AM on a Friday night. Tomorrow is a holiday. I have just finished reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini – the fourth time. My heart feels heavy – and light – at the same time – don’t ask me how – it just does.

I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years. ~Amir

Very few books make an impact like this one – it makes you feel so many things at once – it makes you smile – frown – smirk – giggle – sigh – wring with guilt – seethe with anger – makes you want to take sides – then makes you want to be impartial and understanding - it’s a roller coaster of emotions.

I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. ~Amir

The protagonist is as human as one can be – he is no hero – actually far from it. The nonchalance with which he brings about – his justification of his actions at times – his silent guilt – his pain of losing a friendship – his yearning for his father’s love – the jealousy he feels for Hassan – his confusion – his futile attempts to forget the past. Amir could be anyone among us – everyone has ghosts they fear facing – hidden long-forgotten secrets – we all have an Amir hidden away somewhere deep down.

I ran. A grown man running with a swarm of screaming children. But I didn't care. I ran with the wind blowing in my face, and a smile as wide as the valley of Panjsher on my lips. I ran. ~Amir

The tale represents hope to me – hope to someday correct your wrongs – hope to somehow make a difference to some one’s life – hope to somehow smile whole-heartedly some day – hope to come clean of your sins – hope – that’s what keeps the world going right – or was it love? :)

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it. ~Amir

Yep – shutting it down it is – till the next time I pick this one off my bookshelf – for the fifth time.

For you - a thousand times over. ~Amir

This one will haunt me for a long time to come though.

:)

I thought I saw your face in the evening sky
On a lonesome cloud that was drifting by

Brilliant

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.... that's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. and somebody puts a code on my desk, something noone else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East, and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hidin'- fifteen hundred people that I never met, never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', oh, "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot, just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie over there, takin' shrapnel in the ass; he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from, and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and of course the oil companies use the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices- a cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, o' course, maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs; it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's outta work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids, and meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure screw it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a villiage, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected President.

~Will Hunting in Good Will Hunting (1997)

Love u pa

What I remember - those early morning walks - smelling the flowers - click of cameras - those bedtime stories - those fixed Saturday afternoon lunches – spending hours choosing your spectacle frames - waiting for long hours at the dentist with those same old jokes being retold a million times - the same old laughing over those cliched jokes - your smile the first time I ever wore spectacles in my life and cried :) - you narrating the tales from Ramayana and Mahabharata to me more than a million times - our shared love for animals – our cooking lunches and dinners together sometimes - you laughing your heart out every time I was pissed off because we were not on time - you laughing every time I screamed seeing a lizard - you asking me to explain concepts like phase and amplitude - your emails to me while I was away from home for 4 years - your one-minute calls to ask me if I needed anything back at the hostel - the smile on your face when I got back home every 4 months - our plans to surprise ma - your concern every time I got delayed at work – you smiled when I smiled – you cried when I cried – you never told me how to live my life – you just let me watch you live yours – thanks pa.

2 AM

Just one of those days – am smiling since a very long time for no particular reason – that song has been playing on my ipod for the last 1 hour – I think it will play for another hour – wonder if it’s the lyrics – the memories that come back with the song – wonder if it’s the song at all – have been dancing around for the heck of it – trying to put down my feelings but have no right words – it’s like floating in the clouds – it’s like feeling giddy standing on the 23 rd floor of a high rise and looking down – it’s like the feeling of ecstasy you get while dancing really fast. This person I see in the mirror – wonder if I will meet the same excited person next time I see the mirror some other day – some other time – am happy - just want this euphoria to continue – for some more time – perhaps forever :)