2008's here :)

Never a saint without a past
Never a sinner without a future
Forgive yourself of all your sins
It's time to start all over again

Wishing one and all a very happy 2008 :)

Come 2009 and..

Gandhis and Bhuttos – nothing in common at first sight – may be as different as chalk and cheese. A closer look reveals the shared legacy of both the names – the habit of constantly living under the public eye – the pride of being called destiny’s children – the high of leading the nation into changing times – the low of untimely, unexpected, gruesome deaths in the name of the country. Yes – they do have many things in common – and another name went down in the books of history to justify this uncanny connect – Benazir Bhutto. Assassinated on 27th December 2007 in a suicide attack in Rawalpindi, Pakistan – exactly ten weeks since her much-hyped arrival in Pakistan.

The implications of her badly timed death, who benefits the most from her demise, what’s the future of Pakistan from now on, what will be the next move of the White House – these are the theories for the media and people to guess and for time to tell. An immediate impact on me though – as an Indian, I am worried about having an in-the-making-extremist state like Pakistan as a neighbour – it will only be a matter of time before the extremism and terrorism, in it’s full force – spills into main-stream India. This is an issue India will have to wake up to and take action against – real soon.

In 2009 India will choose her leader again. It would do well for Congress and BJP to think beyond their "Garibi Hatao" and "India Shining" (now – "India Rising") campaigns and try to include the various hows of tackling extremism and terrorism within the country. It will no longer suffice to treat another bomb blast within a city as an abnormality – the cites need to be prepared for such events – just useless talk and compensation money for victims might no longer be enough to shut the questioning tongues. After all, history is only repeating itself – a huge mistake of this century called the Iraq War happened in 2003 – but the man behind the whole farce was re-elected to the White House in 2004 for the sole reason that the average American believed that only Bush could protect him and his family from a man named Osama Bin Laden.

Like it or not – terrorism has already become a part of our lives – with more than 4 blasts in the country in the same year, things only look set to become worse – we need to start becoming more consistent about our worry for security within the country – else in a country of people filled with a selective memory of only all things good and long-term immunity to disaster and pain, an entire election might again just be won on the sole topic of farmers getting free electricity and water in his fields.

Christmas Cheer

Merry Christmas to one and all - from my family to yours.Christmas was as usual fantastic this year as well -something about this time of the year - there is so much love and happiness that it makes you want to smile for no particular reason all the time :)

Saw Taare Zameen Par today - watching it was a moving experience - this Christmas I really wish that every Ishaan Avasthi finds his Nikumbh Sir before it's too late.

Note to self: Taare Zameen Par makes me want to start painting again. I think I will.

The search within

Heroes – we all need one – to look up to – to feel good about life – to feel safe – to know that we still stand a chance – to realise that it’s not all over. A hero could be anybody – a parent – a friend – a stranger – a celebrity. We always search for a hero – to lead the way – to set things right – to rescue us from the trouble we sometimes create for ourselves. What we only forget almost always is that there is a hero within each of us – waiting to be found. Initiating the search within – that’s a choice not everyone gets to make – that’s a choice not everyone wants to make.

On the go.

I was told a very interesting quote by someone today morning - life is like pizza - when it's good, its pretty good - when it's bad - it's still pretty good :) That's a good no-nonsense fact to start a day with :)

Wow

Meryl Streep in The Devil wears Prada - what an exquisite potrayal - what a brilliant actress. Never simultaneously loved and hated a character as much as this one in a really long while.

PS: If the devil wears Prada and God wears Gucci, people wear...err...Armani?? :) Nah, not true - atleast not for all of us - now GAP would be a more realistic guess :)

Choices maketh man

You begin life with a clean slate. Then you begin to make a mark. You begin to have your opinions and you start making choices. You make mistakes – you learn. You realize that life is a series of choices involving risks. It is a cause and effect relation throughout. Nothing ventured -nothing gained. The more I see and experience life, I realize that to know who you really are – step back and take a look at the path you have traversed – your choices define you.

A thought

They say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Maybe if we spent a little less time beholding - the world would be a happier place.

L'amour

It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found.

~John Forbes Nash in A Beautiful Mind

Well...

Maybe I'll share my life with somebody... maybe not. But the truth is, when I think back of my loneliest moments, there was usually somebody sitting there next to me.

In retrospect

Some people pass through your life and you never think about them again.

Some you think about and wonder what ever happened to them.

Some you wonder if they ever wonder what happened to you.

And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again.

But you do.

An inconvenient truth

You look at that river gently flowing by. You notice the leaves rustling with the wind. You hear the birds; you hear the tree frogs. In the distance you hear a cow. You feel the grass. The mud gives a little bit on the river bank. It’s quiet; it’s peaceful. And all of a sudden, it’s a gear shift inside you. And it’s like taking a deep breath and going, "Oh yeah, I forgot about this."

~Al Gore

Overheard

"... and what you are left with is a premonition of the way your life will fade behind you, like a book you have read too quickly, leaving a dwindling trail of images and emotions until all you can remember is a name."

~Jay McInerney

La Vita E Bella

"Natasha has just come up to the window from the courtyard and opened it wider so that the air may enter more freely into my room. I can see the bright green strip of grass beneath the wall, and the clear blue sky above the wall, and sunlight everywhere. Life is beautiful. Let the future generations cleanse it of all evil, oppression and violence, and enjoy it to the full."
~Leon Trotsky

Giosué Orefice: "No Jews or Dogs Allowed." Why do all the shops say, "No Jews Allowed"?

Guido: Oh, that. "Not Allowed" signs are the latest trend! The other day, I was in a shop with my friend the kangaroo, but their sign said, "No Kangaroos Allowed," and I said to my friend, "Well, what can I do? They don't allow kangaroos."

Giosué Orefice: Why doesn't our shop have a "Not Allowed" sign?

Guido: Well, tomorrow, we'll put one up. We won't let in anything we don't like. What don't you like?

Giosué Orefice: Spiders.

Guido: Good. I don't like Visigoths. Tomorrow, we'll get sign: "No Spiders or Visigoths Allowed."

City of dreams

Bombay - correction -Mumbai. Have been reading about it these days - piecemeal - at a leisurely pace. I never came across a more layered city than this one. It might take a lifetime to uncover the various faces of Mumbai - dirty secrets - star dust - glamour and glitz - mind boggling riches - mind numbing poverty - the ignored underworld - the pseudo-stylish bhais - the corrupt politicians - the slums and the chawls - Bollywood and the actors. Perhaps the only city, where the most beautiful dreams exist in such extreme proximity to stark - bare - ugly realities.

Suketu Mehta, in his book "Maximum City", has painted Mumbai with such myriad colours that it all overwhelmed me initially. But as I progressed through the pages - I began to see Mumbai through his eyes. Mumbai - the city of the Taj Hotel - the city of Gateway of India - the city of Wankhede Stadium - the city of Dharavi slums - the city of the high-rises of Malabar Hills - the city of Dawood Ibrahim - the city of Thackeray - the city of vada-pav - the city of Dalal Street - the city of Bollywood - the city of dreams. At times - I had tears in my eyes - times when I was aghast at the audacity with which he spoke of certain sects and individuals - he came across as too blatant at times - but I was laughing with him when he made a passing sarcastic remark about something or someone - felt his pain when he missed the Bombay (not Mumbai) that he grew up with. The book spoke to me - about Mumbai and the burden of millions of shattered and fulfilled dreams that the city carried. He made me long to know Mumbai a little more better.

From the countless anecdotes, experiences and meetings he recounts with varied contrasting characters all across Mumbai, he - at times - eloquently and at times - crassly brings out the hidden truths and blatant rumours about Mumbai. Be it the Demolition Man - Honey - Mona Lisa - Sunil - Girish - Chhota Shakeel - Bala Saheb - Vidhu Vinod Chopra - Ajay Lal - everyone carries a little bit of Mumbai in their heart. They sometimes curse it - sometimes sing praises of the city - but they are addicted to it - every bit of it - the rich to their single malt whisky evenings on the high-rise balconies - the poor to their dirty and stinking chawls and shanties.

I might never get to experience Mumbai up, close and personal - but after having read Suketu's book, I can say for sure that am now a pseudo-Mumbaikar - a little bit of Mumbai goes with me now - wherever I go.

Of reunions and goodbyes

The last week just fleeted by. Amidst all the work and studying, I managed to squeeze in Jack Welch, Suketu Mehta and J K Rowling – a chapter each - got irritated with the power cuts – the killing Hyderabad heat – the long ride back home - Hrithik’s short hair - lizards which keeping falling off the walls of my house.

Weekend was chilled out. It was a journey back in time. Met two friends from college after a real long time – L and P. L has been a good friend always. He and I have never been swell friends – we have not kept in touch – we do not talk on a daily basis and our work definitely does not have much in common – but then – sense does not prevail when we meet up – thats the most fun part of it all - it was the same yet again – thankfully.

P was ever the same – the cute little charming kid – only now with an increased fan following – both here and overseas. She was just the same. We both also now don’t have many common things to talk about – we don’t keep in touch for days on end – but there is always this comfortable sense that we are there for each other in whatever way possible. Guess that’s what the real essence of friendship is all about anyways. Wished her good bye yesterday. I don’t like goodbyes. They make me retrospect many things – relive many moments – make me sad mostly. P, L and I might keep in touch in future – might not keep in touch – but then with some friends you can pick up things just where you left thm - you dont ever owe an explanation - you just know that they will understand. P and L are two such friends. Till we meet again guys – God bless and good luck.

As for me – back to making Premji richer – increase my work-ex numbers and watch and gape at Spidey – long week ahead. But then I know it will be a fleeting one – just like the previous long weeks of mine.

Out in the open

The best advice I ever got in life was from Ross Geller in a F.R.I.E.N.D.S. episode. He said – never keep anything in your heart. Speak things out. Never keep the ifs, buts and what ifs around you. When you speak things out, you get a clear perspective – a third person’s viewpoint. When you hear yourself saying things out – you realize whether your reasons behind the whole issue are truly logical or just something immature and kiddish.

I did it once – apprehensively – skeptically – cynically – hopefully. I was not disappointed. I realised Ross did make sense. It hurt at first – a lot at that. But then, sometimes, band-aid is not the solution – you just have to let your wounds breathe and hope that they will eventually heal.

Eternity

Your skin like dawn
Mine like musk

One paints the beginning
Of a certain end,

The other, the end of
a sure beginning.

Fin

We come across people – daily. We have almost a hundred conversations on a daily basis – how do you end a conversation - ever thought of it? I met a friend after several days – we were talking sense – sometimes – nonsense – almost all the time. In middle of the conversation, he mentioned the various ways in which people try to end a conversation –the subtle hints – the blatant yawns.

Well – it’s true – there are so many ways to do it. People can be real creative in these matters. Keep glancing at your watch every 2 seconds – gets the other person to say a bye himself. Tell him/her that his/her vehicle must be out in the sun for a long time and he/she better do something about it. Mention casually that you are getting late for your bus/some other work. My personal favorite is the glancing at the watch bit. Not really subtle - not at all offending - real effective. Almost never goes wrong. Depends on the skill with which you execute the act though. Sounds too technical. The thing is – it is technical. As months pass by and I turn older in this corporate scenario – I notice that there is a fixed methodology to many things – the subtle hints – the unasked questions – the reluctant answers. Most of the communication happens through body language. You can make out when is the best time to approach your PM – when is the right time to stop talking about your idea in the meeting – when your presentation is going great guns – when it’s the time to wrap it up all and have a seat. Its all out there and yet I notice that people are not cautious about their body language. Well - the sooner they learn - the better.

On a totally different note - after my friend left, I was thinking of awkward situations similar to ending a conversation effectively - I remembered one mentioned by a friend long time back. How do you ask people whom you have met already their name once again? That one is a serious catcher. He told me several ways to do it – extremely witty ones - but that makes space for a totally different post.

F5

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

~JRR Tolkien

Bleak

The sun is the same in the relative way, but you’re older: shorter of breath and one day closer to death

~ Roger Waters

Not ready to make nice

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

In life, sometimes, the most difficult thing is to forgive and forget. There are times when people are mean to you – when people just want to hurt you – people try to break you – people ridicule you – people cheat you. What do you do? Forgive? Forget? Is it as simple as it sounds? Is it really possible to forgive and forget?

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and I'll keep paying

Trust – the most underestimated word. Doubt – the most damaging word. Over time, I have come to realize, that, any relationship first and foremost, needs trust, for love to even breathe anywhere near it. I used to think that love led to trust. Experience made me realize that in life, the order is reverse.

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round

Is it very bad to be selfish and think about yourself once in a while? When you just want to be mean? When you don’t want to think about the right and wrong? When you don’t want to know the other side of the story? Is it necessary to always to put others before self forever?

It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Is it never late to give some one a second chance? Is it fine that you don’t want to give some things a second try? When you are just tired of everything around you so much that you just need a break and want to be by yourself? Is it okay that infinite number of sorries don’t seem to make any difference to the damage done? Is it okay that you still pretend to assume everything is fine and take each day as it comes?

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and I kind of like it

Is it okay that, some times, some action of some one, some where, changes your entire perception about things, perhaps forever? Is it okay when you want to hold a grudge forever? Is it fine to move on, in life, from here – being a little low on the trust factor? Is it fine to leave some tales in life with no endings?

Long forgotten..

Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened into the rose-garden. ~ T.S. Eliot

Memory – I wish I had a selective one. Sadly, it will only remain only that – a wish. We all carry a small ache somewhere in our heart - which makes us happy and sad alongside. About some long forgotten events – long lost people – old times. You start living in the present and conveniently forget about them. But then, who has been able to escape the past? A wise man once said – “ You can’t explore your future without fully acknowledging your past”. True – I just thought I could be an exception to that rule – but guess am not.

Well, was reminded of something today after a real long time. The message brought a smile to my face and a old, forgotten thought to my mind. There are a few people in everyone’s life, to whom you just react with a “what could have been if?”. I just came across one such person of my life, today, after a long time. Memory – a child walking along the seashore – you can never tell what small pebble the child will pick up and store away among its treasured things. Had a rendevous with one such treasured memory after a long time. But that’s what they will always remain – memories.

Let go..

This one goes out to a very dear friend of mine...just to give him a reason to smile, while he's busy finding himself.

As children bring their broken toys
with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God
because He was my friend,

But then, instead of leaving Him
in peace to work alone,

I hung around and tried to help
in ways that were my own,

At last, I snatched them back and cried
"How can You be so slow?"

"My child", He said, "What could I do?"
"You never did let go"

~Unknown

Shards of genius

"As a writer, one spends a lifetime, journeying into the heart of language, trying ot minimise, if not eliminate, the distance betwen thought and language. At The Hague, I stumbled on a denomination, a sub-world, whose life's endeavour was to mask intent - they breed and prosper in the space that lies between what they say and what they sell"

"This loss of any sense of words inevitably leads to a dimunition of the faculty of imagination, for imagination has to have solid, precise categories, so as to be able to leap across and between them. "

"The only dream worth having.... is to dream that you will live while you are alive and die only when you are dead....which means exactly what - To love. To be loved. To never forget your own insignificance. To never get used to the unspeakable violence and vulgar disparity of life around you. To seek joy in the saddest places. To pursue beauty in it's lair. To never simplify what is complicated and complicate what is simple. To respect strength, never power. Above all, to watch. To try and understand. To never look away. And never, never to forget."

Money Matters

Found this draft, while clearing out my desk earlier this morning – thought of posting it, because this is one of the few topics I am seriously passionate about.

"Frankly speaking, I don’t understand money and it does not bother me – it’s a boring thing to discuss and to think about as well - I have more important things to worry about you see" – this is what my colleague had to say when some thing related to an LIC policy came up. It was a lazy Friday afternoon at work. The work for the day was done. And I heard those lines. Wow – ignorant and proud of it as well. Sadly, she is not the only one who takes pride in the fact that she does not understand how money works – what happens to sensex – how the hike in reverse repo rates affects her in the long run.

Money – you come across it everyday – when you pay for our daily ride to office – when you buy your lunch – when you buy that latest CD from the music store – you need it at least once during each day. You are earning big – you are earning well – you have enough bank balance – you spend – you spend big. You buy an iPOd – you buy a digicam – you buy the latest luxury phone model in the market – you go shopping in the malls every weekend. Money – responsible for giving you all those "good things" in life - yet you fail to understand it – you find the business news boring – you don’t understand the hype and hoopla surrounding the budget every February. You are more than glad that you just need to declare your savings and invest a lakh somewhere so that you get the annual tax benefit. That's where it all ends.

Has the word investment ever struck a bell in your head? "No – my husband/dad manages that for me. I don’t like looking into those matters you know." Awrite, I hear you lady and I keep mum. I don’t think anything I say or tell will make any difference to her thinking. But I fail to understand what mindset will her child be inheriting money-wise? Not my bother you say – and I agree with you. She’s pretty fine with her thoughts and she’s sure she is right. One simple question though – your money – you earned it – why is some one else investing it for you? Okie – he is your husband or your father – but you at least need to be aware about where your money is going. I know I sound pessimistic when I say this, but no one can be trusted in today’s world. You shout at the top of your voice that you are an independent woman, then why not be independent in the real sense lady?

I read a book once when in college - Rich dad, poor dad. The book talks about how understanding money and how it works can put you a step ahead of the pack. But the one thing mentioned in that book that struck note with me and will remain with me forever, was to always make sure that even if one earns a paltry sum, make sure your money is working harder than you – not wasting itself sitting in the bank. I think too much about all these money matters maybe because am the daughter of a banker – but trust me I have seen both sides of the coin. I have a ma, who is very particular about money matters and I have a pa, who prefers to stay away from money matters. I agree with the former, while disagreeing with the latter, regarding this issue. You might say that it all boils down to one’s personal perspective and choice - but only one question to you – how can you possibly afford blatant ignorance about the one thing that you interact with, on a daily basis, day after day?

Guts...what's that?

“World cup collapso” - “The dream is over” - “A billion hopes sink” - “The big three fail” - “Port of Pain” – few of the several witty headlines to declare the fact that India was virtually out of the World Cup . Saturday morning was not a good morning for you if you were an Indian fan. Emotional reactions, mock funerals, all the drama unfolded as the day progressed. Every possible news channel had some Tom, Dick or Harry yapping about how India should have got it right, how Dravid did not deserve to be on the hot seat any longer, how Chappell was a devil in disguise for Indian cricket. The theories were weird – the reactions were extreme – the media was excited – people were frustrated – the captain was sad – the coach was agitated. Well, the weekend is over and humour has taken the place of frustration and pure, unadulterated anger and frustration. SMS jokes about the Indian team's abysmal performance are the toast of the day.

Among all the opinions hurled all over the place against the players, I heard a common phrase time and again – “killer instinct”. They called it attitude – they called it guts – they called it body language - they called it strength – but they all were hinting at one thing : Indians just aint that strong enough mentally to take on big challenges. "Oh come on", they said, "history is the witness. Look at 2003 world cup. Look at any major final of a cricket tournament. Indians give up on the fight long before the game is over".

My first reaction – that could not be true. I mean come on – how can one explain a Ambani, a Tata, a Birla, a Nooyi. Surely, Indians weren’t weak mentally. But sadly, I could come up with quite a few “glittering” examples of an average Indian’s love for mediocrity.

Take a look at cricket - we have a Dravid – we have a Tendulkar – we have a Dhoni – but do we have a team which performs? Indians perform more for personal records, than to win. Personal records mean more adulation, which implies more endorsements, which means big moolah. Sehwag was hell-bent to be on the team to feed his ego, rather than to make India win. Ganguly had more of a point to prove than anything else when he got back to the world cup squad. We just were not a team – we lost – surprised? Well, don’t be.

We are asking for the removal of the captain, but do we have a replacement? " Nope – we are no Aussies man". That’s what we have to say. Its true but isn’t it? Aussies had no Shane Warne – no Brett Lee – but any difference in their aggression? An Australian player announces retirement and they have an able, competent player to take his place. We, a nation of a billion people, in a world with a population close to 6 billion, cannot come up with 11 men to go and win us matches? The “killer instinct” – Aussies made 377 against South Africa and the Proteas put up a strong defence for the first wicket, making nearly 165 runs. Did the Aussies flinch? Was there any change in their body language – their aggression? I could very well imagine the nervous totter of a Harbhajan Singh and the frantic pacing of a Dravid if the Proteas did the same thing in a match between India and South Africa. Do Indians lack that killer instinct?

Take a walk down Dalal Street - we don’t invest as much in the stock markets – our risk appetite is surprisingly low – the smallest piece of news can send our Sensex levels on a tailspin. The NYSE has been bullish for the past fifteen years – it has seen it’s share of falls and rises. Sensex has just started seeing that trend. The average joe is more than eager to get on the high wave, when the Sensex touches unprecedented highs – but when the sensex falls, he is the first one to remove his money from the market.

Any economist will tell you that you need to understand the markets and invest when people are running out of the markets. I mean you go to a discount sale and buy maximum things. Have you ever heard of people waiting for a time when the price of products is exceptionally high, to make their purchases? But, an average Indian does not really get that approach. He makes little or no effort to understand the markets and just throws in his money into the markets like a gambler. The risk appetite is there – it is more foolish than calculated move. Some people still believe that investing ins tock markets is equivalent to gambling and frown up it. We are taught from the beginning that ambitions are good as long as they are limited. We make movies, wherein a person who wants the best things in the world, ends up losing everything towards the end. Are we taught to lack that killer instinct?

Some call it the colonial hangover, still extant amongst us Indians – some called it self-contentment. Call it what you want, but our culture does not teach us to dream big. It teaches us to be satisfied with what we have – some one dreaming to be a Roger Federer is more often than not, laughed at. We are asked to be practical – not dreamers. There is a reason the film fare awards in India go to the most romantic movies and the Oscars always has had a soft corner for the underdogs who make it big in life . We emphasize way too much on heart and less on mental strength.

Well, things are moving ahead, India is shining, but the thing is almost all developed countries are 10 years ahead of us in terms of development. We take pride in the fact that the Mittals, Tatas, Ambanis and Birlas have an Indian passport, but from whatever I could come up with after thinking about this for a while, the Nooyis and Kidwais and Murthys and Permjis are more of exceptions than trends.

For now, Indian team will soon be on a flight home and we will still be discussing what went wrong and people will still be dying of hunger, poverty and diseases daily in India. Well, all that can wait, what we really need to know is how can Sachin ever get out for a duck and how much are the sponsors losing? Dhoni is playing with my emotions for God sakes!!! Sad but ttrue, when will we display such a passion for a better life? Only time will tell.

True...

Men were thought to apologise for their weaknesses, women for their strengths.

~Lois Wyse

Disconnected

Things have changed. Forever I think. Never to go back to the way they used to be.

Efforts appear cursory and go wasted. Emotions have been stoic for quite a while now. The past fails to put a smile on my face. In fact, it fails to affect me in any way any longer. It’s as though the past never existed. All that exists in every sense is this moment and those that lie beyond – waiting to be lived and experienced. This isolation from the past is an alien feeling. At first, I did not know how to react to it – it felt as though an unwelcome stranger had suddenly entered my life – unwanted – uninvited - but now, I have become friends with this very stranger – it’s a comfortable zone, this one.

At times, a shadow looms somewhere beyond the darkness – a ripple travels across the still waters – a whiff of air fills the milieu – a memory comes back to remind me of it’s existence – and then – it disappears – just like that – giving me no time to react. It does not even leave an impact now, as I fail to recognize it. A sense of isolation has enveloped me and it’s becoming my comfort zone – slowly – surely.

Things have changed. Forever I think. And I am surprised that I like this disconnect from times gone by.

The truth of the matter is...

Circa 2001: Yes, they did!!!

Circa 2005: No, they did not!!!

Which version would you believe (or rather like to believe)?

Gurugiri v/s Gandhigiri

Gurubhai gurubhai aavye che
Dhoom dhadaaka karenge che

A villager. A visionary. A winner. Impressive tagline for a much more impressive movie. Watching movies, especially in a theatre, is an ordeal for me – but Guru was different – I enjoyed it – all of it – the exquisite architecture of Turkey – the fantastic music by Rehman – the coyness of Aishwarya – the dare of Abhishek – the dignity of Mithun – the Gujarati slang – the intricacies of Licence Raj – the tactics of Guru Bhai.

I found only one aberration in this otherwise sensible piece of moving art – towards the end, Guru Bhai, through a vehement, heart-wrenching, emotional speech, smartly manages to make the government seem like the real culprit, which literally dragged an otherwise innocent Gurukant Desai into the sleazy world of corruption – and what more – he manages to evoke a huge applause from the people in the court room (and the audience in the theatres). His speech made it seem as if the movie was trying to justify all the shady deals of Guru Bhai – albeit subtly. I feel that if the traders were unhappy with the over-regulation of trade during those times, FBT and high corporate taxes give them sleepless nights these days. The government was the villain then – it continues to remain the spoilsport now. If things were to proceed according to the whims of the traders and corporates, laissez faire would be prevalent in India within a blink of the eye. Fortunately for people and unfortunately for the traders, that can never be the case out here – but that makes a case for a totally different post.

Anyway, Guru reminded me of another movie released in 2006, which also managed to create a similar buzz – Lage Raho Munnabhai. Gandhigiri became the buzzword in 2006. Truth and non-violence were supposed to be in. Gurugiri seems to be the buzzword in 2007 till date. Gurukant stands for everything that Gandhi was against. For Gurubhai, profit is the only motive. The means to achieve the motive do not really matter. As Guru himself explicitly states in the film – ‘main koi bapu nahin’. But, Guru has managed to create his own fan club, amongst the youth, which could not stop raving about Gandhi, last year. So, the question that intrigues me after watching Guru – which line of thought do you choose?

The fundamentalists would jump right away and say that Gandhigiri rules and that Gurugiri can be safely forgotten. The pragmatists would think a while and then candidly confess that while Gandhigiri mostly made sense in ideology, only applying a little bit of Gurugiri could make you successful in the real world out there. The diplomats would prefer to stay away from the debate.

This brings me to the real question behind the question – do you have to categorize yourself into one of these three slots? Is there only a black and a white to this debate? Are there no shades of grey to this question? Can Gandhigiri and Gurugiri cross paths? If yes, what would be the fundamental doctrine of the hybrid line of thought? If no, would you label the line of thought of the current society as conservationist? Is it a simple choice? Which one would you pick?

Off the map

Don't listen to what they say. Go see.

I shed my inhibitions. My fears. I travelled light.

The world is a book, those who do not travel read only one page.

I traded my stock options for a Lonely Planet.
My cell phone for a compass.
My briefcase for a backpack.
I took off.

Who lives sees much. Who travels sees more.

I wandered in the company of tourists, travellers and a guitar as old as me.
I learned that people are good. Strangers are fascinating.
And that every journey reveals another.

Look at the stars lighting up the sky: no one of them stays in the same place.

I have lost track of time. And perhaps, my job - my apartment - my fiance.
But I have my compass and I know it's pointing me in the right direction.

Go forth on your path, as it exists only through your walking.

*A beautifully written passage by some one for whom travel is a metaphysical project - a dream - a meditation - a sermon*

At random

Well, it only makes sense to loose a little bit of your emotional factor as you go higher up the ladder, because you need to be viewing the picture on a larger scale. The concerns of your sub-ordinates should matter, but only as long as it doesn’t affect the work or the turnovers. If it’s a matter of a day or two, you shouldn't unnecessarily loose your cool about it, but then a prolonged absence or diversion from work is not exactly welcome at the top levels.

Let’s face it, if you are in the top management, your immediate sub-ordinates are people who can't afford to stay away from business for too long – too many things depend on them. Neither will those sub-ordinates be the kind of people who will let their private life affect their work. Huge pay packets come attached with an equally huge responsibility. As Nooyi also mentioned in her recent interview, being a CEO (or for that matter, occupying any top management position) is not a job, it’s a calling - you have to love wot you do - you have to put ur head, heart & hands into it, else its not worth it. At the end of the day, I guess it’s a choice between being sensitive and being practical. To cite an example, on the new years eve, when the entire world was busy partying the night away, the lights at the PMO were on, all night. There is a reason why Manmohan has a 18*7 work schedule. It is very truly said that to be doing nothing, you need to sitting at the very top - and that saying also just reflects an illusion - reality bites.

To keep it simple – you are in a business – you should be aware that you are there to make profits - you are not there for PR. Its not personal - it's just business – and a business needs a head - having a heart is just an unwanted bonus.

Is that really me speaking my mind there??? When did I start thinking that way? Being way too practical - boon or bane - yet to figure that out.

Lost in transition

My thoughts – they are in a state of flux. I can’t seem to catch hold of them of late. Either I am thinking too fast or am not thinking at all. Life has gotten busy lately. That’s good – no time to think about anything unless required. That’s bad – it means I don’t connect with myself as often as I used to, in the past.

Things that used to make me smile before evoke no reaction these days. I have started finding F.R.I.E.N.D.S boring (and I though that would never happen in my lifetime), reading for pleasure has become a thing of the past and I don’t miss it all that much (!!!),. I have been suffering from the writer’s block lately, I check out wikipedia and moneycontrol more often than orkut, people – their presence – their absence – doesn’t matter any more. I am at peace sometimes. I get fidgety sometimes. The desire to learn something new about everything is at an all time high. 24 hours seem less. I wish more often that there were two me’s – maybe I could be more efficient at things – try and stuff a little more into my days. I am more bothered than ever before about the grammar and phrasing of my sentences and jump with excitement any time I come across a new idion (what is that abt???). Things going wrong – people trying to hurt me – motivation to transform reality – nothing more – nothing less. There are times I don't recognise myself. My reactions to certain things and events surprise me these days.

Things – thoughts – words stand still. Or maybe they are all moving at such a high speed that they all seem still to me – all an illusion – all a reality. Whatever be the case – I think I like the status quo. Selective awareness of the past – contentment with the present – working towards the future. I don’t know when and where this transition will end. The only thing I am apprehensive about is that when the stability sets in, I am not very sure I will be the same person any more. Well, I will let time be the judge for that one.

Love makes the world spin

How do you know it's love?
I don't know, but it lasts forever.

Smiled so hard after a long time. Shed a tear after a long time. To A and B - one of the sweetest couples I have ever come across. To love and all the beauty and happiness that accompanies it.

Karle Karle

Karle karle – tu ek sawaal
Karle karle – tu ek dhamaal
Aisa sawaal jo zindagi badal de

He came – Agreed. He saw – yep. He conquered – No comments. That’s how people reacted to Sharukh Khan when he came on the television screen after a real long hiatus as the host of Kaun Banega Crorepati 3. This was an eagerly anticipated season of KBC. Comparing Sharukh and Amitabh – weighing their pros and cons – perfect entertainment (?????) – if you say so. Witty jokes - mundane quips - frequent puns – interesting questions - that’s what KBC promised to be in its first episode of the third season. Whether the show lives up to the promise or not – that’s something only time can tell.

Sholay ka thakur nahata kaise hoga?
Doctor ke kaam ko practice kyon kehte hai?

I remember watching the first episode of KBC on 3 July 2001. Amitabh Bachchan – eloquent hindi – Computer Jee – popular guests – everything about the show became an instant hit. KBC had an entire generation quipping "Lock kar diya jaye" at the drop of a hat. GK became the buzzword. Knowing when the Battle of Buxar took place and where the Brabourne Stadium is, made one a cool kid on the block. The roads used to get deserted and people used to discuss a particular question from a particular show even after several days. KBC was magic for viewers, magic for sponsors and magic for Amitabh Bachchan’s career.

Table tennis ko hindi mein kya kehte hai?
Is a cool chic hot or a hot chic cool?
Mere angane mein tumhara kya kaam hai?

Come KBC 3 – Computer Jee became Compaq Da – "Lock kar diya jaye" became "Freeze it" and Sharukh replaced Amitabh. Sharukh – ho…hum…not as good as Big B – I watched an episode for 10 minutes and he could not hold my interest for long. His jokes seem forced, the effort to entertain people comes across way too blatantly and the spontaneity is not in sight anywhere. I can be very rightly blamed for acting like the president of the "I hate Sharukh" club (a post which I would love to accept – any time –any day – any where) but all prejudices apart, Sharukh is just no match to Big B. He can pull off a Don and take up all the endorsements, from ICICI to Dabur, but KBC – a different ball game.

Sharukh might find his niche audience, who will watch him do just about anything – sense or nonsense ignored - but the show is not the same anymore – the magic has disappeared – the audience is bored – the cult is fast disappearing. Amitabh was the USP of the show and without him, it’s just not the same. To put it succinctly, people simply prefer Sharukh crooning away in the Alps to a romantic number. Sharukh – the quizmaster – a tad bit too much to handle.

Meanwhile, karle karle - tu ek sawaal - karle karle - tu ek dhamaal - aisa sawaal jo zindagi badal de.

One of a kind

She was not my type - nor was I her type. We were poles apart. I could not be friends with her. She was the cool kid. I was the big nerd. She was the best dancer I knew. I had two left feet. She was caring and crazy and weird - in her own, sweet way. I do not know when we became the best of friends. She was my companion when we had to sit through the boring classes. She made me believe in the theory - the more unhygenic the food, the tastier it gets. She laughed the hardest at the most pathetic jokes of mine. She was with me all through school. Then, she stepped aside for a while - no proper goodbyes - no hugs - no tears. I missed her - sometimes. Her thought made me smile, thinking of all the fun we've had.

She made a comeback - in style. She slapped me - got away with it - only to get a slap right back. We did not meet for quite a while. We met again - thank God for that. Today, things are not the same - they are only better. She loves to listen to music while driving - I hate it. She loves to bargain - I hate it. She loves Subway burger - I hate it. We are different. We are same. We are crazy. We are sane. We are fun. We are dullards. She is truly one of a kind - a gem of a person. She is a friend for life - some one who can be counted on - any time - any day. I am sure I can never come across a person who is as sensible, as crazy and as chilled out as her - all at the same time.

Only the birthdays of some very special people can lift off my writer's block, which has been there for quite some time now - she is one of those people. Happy birthday Sannjit - to sweet memories - to good times ahead - to smiles - to friendship.

Naturally

Reality came around and without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces...leaving me to doubt
Alone again, naturally.

One word that psyches me out of late- future.

To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to, who wouldnt do?
The role I was about to play?

They say I should learn to give up on my dreams- the sad thing is I have started to listen -not continued to ignore.

It seems to me that there are more hearts
Broken in the world that cant be mended...left unattended.
Alone again, naturally.

Love - always within reach - always elusive. Wonder when one stops enjoying the chase?

In a little while from now
If Im not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself

Moonlight. Words. Thoughts. Coffee. Probability. Grammar. Daze. Constellations. Tranquility. Just another Friday evening. Alone again, naturally.

Impossible is nothing

Impossible is just a big word used by small men who find it easier to live in the world given to them than to explore the power they have to change it. Impossible is not a fact. It’s an opinion. Impossible is not a declaration. It’s a dare. Impossible is potential. Impossible is temporary. Impossible is nothing.

Adidas Store – Banjara Hills - David Beckham poster – witty blurb – one word – awesome.

Gracias

It was just another hectic weekday morning. I was checking my mails before I left for office and I was surprised to find a mail from a friend - the mail had a few pleasant sounding adjectives used to describe my blog. I was very happy. First things first, a sincere thank you. I just put down my thoughts, which more than often are provoked by conversations I have with various people around me – nothing more - nothing less. Glad that you find my confusions worth a read :) Jokes apart, it was a very thoughtful act, which made my day.

Words have always kept me company - I used to write poems as a kid, but as time passed by, other things became a priority. Writing remained a forgotten art until this blog happened. For me, blogging started out as an experiment and turned out to be a revelation. I have discovered myself – I have surprised myself – I have been enjoying the whole journey - all of it. If you have been keeping me company all through this time and have enjoyed reading my sometimes silly, sometimes sensible, sometimes funny and sometimes inane posts, all I can say is – touched, honoured and blessed (@people who know me pretty well: I know, I know - that’s my cliched statement, but had to say it guys :) )

The very same day I got the mail, I read my first post on the blog when I got the time. I found a confused person in those words. Then, I read my latest post – I found an even more confused person in these words :) Anyway, 50 posts, 10000 odd words and a million thoughts later, I can undoubtedly claim that am none the wiser and I can cheekily confess that I like it that way :)

Why?

Friday evening. In front of a computer. Mind numb after 11 hours of non-stop work. Alone with my thoughts for the first time in the day. Looking at some old photographs. Spontaneous smiles – mischievous twinkle in the eyes – forgotten friendships – affection and love in each photograph.

Times don’t remain the same always though. Times change. People change. Circumstances change. People make mistakes. Fool you – while you continue to trust them with a blind faith. People refuse to accept that they might be wrong – instead they question your integrity about certain issues. Finally, a closure – in the form of truth.

Things going back to normal – you hope for it – but that’s where it stops – hoping. Life goes on. What remains – old photographs - spontaneous smiles – mischievous twinkle in the eyes – forgotten friendships. All you are left with at the end of it all – a why – with, perhaps, no answer.

The time is now

There are two India’s in this country -one India is straining at the leash, eager to spring forth and live up to all the adjectives that the world has been recently showering upon us. The other India is the leash. One India says give me a chance and I will prove myself. The other India says prove yourself first and maybe then u will have a chance. One India lives in the optimism of our hearts. The other India lurks in the skepticism of our minds. One India wants. The other India hopes. One India leads. The other India follows.

These conversions are on the rise. With each passing day more and more people from the other India are coming over to this side and quietly, while the world is not looking, a pulsating, dynamic new India is emerging. An India, whose faith in success is far greater than its fear of failure. An India that no longer boycotts foreign made goods, but buys out the companies that makes them instead. History, they say, is a bad motorist. It rarely ever signals its intentions, when it’s taking a turn. This is that rarely ever moment - history is turning a page. For over half a century, our nation has sprung, stumbled, run, fallen, rolled over, got up and dusted herself and cantered - sometimes lugged on.

But now, in our sixtieth year as a free nation, the ride has brought us to the edge of time's great precipice, and one India - a tiny little voice at the back of the head - is looking down at the bottom of the rive and hesitating. The other India is looking up at the sky and saying - it's time to fly.

~ A public message, featuring Amitabh Bachchan, standing on the banks of Arabian Sea in Mumbai, India, released by Times Now and Times of India group on the eve of the sixtieth year of Indian independence.