More or less

Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see less.

Confusing

3 months in the States - I still get confused with the doors around this place - do they open inwards - outwards - do they open at all - hope I figure it out before I leave college :)

To be used wisely

Words.

In the end

Life's been weird these days - never did confusions feel so good - so bad - at the same time. Never did living in the moment make so much sense in one moment - no sense in the other. Never did a feeling feel so right - so wrong - in one breath. Never did uncertainities scare me and excite me this much.

The wise ones call it flux - the much-needed change in life. From where I see it, I call it happiness - because I know that when it ends - it will all be worth it.

Man of the moment :)

A totally expected win - Obama rules :)

Who's it gonna be?

Google at it again! :) But yeah, wonder who's gonna win today - not too long before we figure that one out - I personally hope it's Obama :)

Woh pal

Memories - neat track. It's true -at times that's all you 're left with - at the end of it all - some memories and a few smiles :)

Whattae day!

Phew! It's been a long day! Lost my DD - only to find it again. Lost my ID card - only to find it again. Was almost desparate for a phone - a random stranger I met - out of sheer luck - offered me a landline phone temporarily - I could have jumped and danced and cried - I finally have a phone! So, all things turned out in my favour fabulously - amazing turn of events! God works in mysterious ways for sure. I know God is everywhere - but today I realised that He is actually watching over me - always - everywhere. Feels good to know that he comes along wherever I go - that am not alone - He is with me - life is beautiful :)

Am leaving

I am leaving today. For the US of A. I am leaving behind family - friends - life as I know it - for something I have not seen yet - wishing that it's all worth it. For once, I have no words - am absolutely clueless about what to write. I guess I will leave it at this - I will miss each and every moment I spent with everyone out here - thanks to one and all for all the love and beautiful memories - your good wishes go with me wherever I go :) It's not a goodbye then - only a break. Till we meet again :)

N this is how it ends..

Rocking :)

Saw a Hindi movie worth a watch after quite a long time. It was no Oscar winner nor was it a heart-breaking tale. It was simple - hilarious - sad - sweet - believable - it made you smile - it could be anyone's story - it rocked big time :)

Colours

That thing called jealousy

Its been a while since I felt it - quite long. So, I was really surprised and stunned when I felt it today. Almost guilty - a little shocked - all because I was jealous - and that too for a very silly reason. Is it wrong to feel jealous? Is it a sign of immaturity? Is it a virtue or a vice? Is it yet another expression of love or hatred? I dont know. All I know is that I used to think that I am quite mature as a person and try to see things and people as objectively and practically as possible but today I realised that I am still a kid in many ways - long way to go before I grow up - so good luck to me.

For June - from Joseph

Anna Scott: "For June who loved this garden. From Joseph who always sat beside her." Some people do spend their whole lives together.

Picture courtesy (actually I flicked it from her blog - but anything for Notting Hill :P) - Deepz
Movie: Notting Hill (1999)

I think

I think I talk too much at times - I should listen more often.

Smart!

Oliver: Hey what makes you so sure I went to prep school?
Jennifer: You look stupid and rich.
Oliver: Actually I'm smart and poor.
Jennifer: Uh-uh, I'm smart and poor.
Oliver: What makes you so smart?
Jennifer: I wouldn't go for coffee with you.
Oliver: Yeah well I wouldn't ask you.
Jennifer: Well, that's what makes you stupid.

~ Love Story (1970)

Magic

You can feel - love's around you,
Like the sky round the moon.
This is how love has found you -
Now you know what to do.

Song: When You Know
Artist: Shawn Colvin
OST: Serendipity (2001)

Beauty

Saw the most gorgeous sun rise early morning today while driving - life is simply beautiful :)

You ask

Questions – sometimes I have no answers to some of them. Such questions have been coming my way of late - from various people - which have taken me aback for a while – left me wondering.

Describe yourself in one word
I don't know – I would say I am stupid. I make mistakes and DO NOT learn from them. I repeat them - again and again. I am here writing about the fact that I repeat my mistakes and I am sure that I will still not learn and repeat some of my mistakes - so yea, stupid is the word.

Am I beautiful/ugly
What does one say when some one asks you such a question? All I can say is that beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Beauty means different things to different people – it might be looks for some – intellect for some one else – sense of humour for yet another – so beauty can be perceived in a number of ways. Each person is beautiful in their own special way. You need to love yourself for what you are – whether some one thinks you are beautiful or not – frankly – how does it matter to you in any way?

How can you leave your parents and just run away to US – being a single child?
I admit I have been feeling pangs of guilt thinking about it – the fact that I am in some way ditching my parents’ big time and just leaving them alone here and running away. But on second thoughts, I would like to believe in my parents – believe the fact that they are strong, independent and smart people who can very well take care of themselves – I would not like to perceive them as weak, old, emotionally drained people. So yea, am sure they will be just fine even in my absence.

Why do your blogs and your emails read so different?
Frankly, I am not sure I understood the question right but my first reaction was – laughter. I don’t know – was it hinting at plagiarism – or double standards – or what – but I was laughing – big time. Well – my blog is what I think – I write what I think – simple. I don’t know if what I write is heavy serious stuff or total nonsense – but I write when something touches me or when I want to remember a particular incident or feeling. My emails – well – I talk – a lot at times – nothing at times – am moody – am unpredictable – like so many others. So when I write emails, I talk – and you don’t talk serious stuff and mind your P’s and Q’s in an email I guess – at least I don’t :)

Will you ever come back to India?
Of course – you can take the Indian out of India, but you can’t take the India out of an Indian – that’s so true. I will definitely be back – but if asked for a time frame – I will just count the spiders on the wall across me.

What will you miss the most about India as a country?
I have never been away from India so I have never got a chance to miss it. I might have an answer to that once I am away from India. But I will miss the people here more than any particular thing I think.

Define love.
Wonder why people think I might have an interesting answer to this question just because I read few books and write some stuff! Well, I once tried to define it here – but ended up nowhere . It remains a mystery to me – and I like it that way I guess. But yea, love changes you forever – for better or worse – that varies from person to person. Usually, love is always your strength – never your weakness. Any love which makes you weak is not love – its an addiction - a need. So, my definition of love is that - love is strength.

Why don’t you like Bottles&Chimney?
Am stumped! Yea, its true - I don’t like the place - all my friends love it - I don't - it’s a fact. I have my reasons - very logical and solid ones, but they are better left unsaid – so there.

Can you be friends with some one you love/loved?
Honestly, depends on how selfless your love can be – and its totally upto an individual – so there is no one-word answer for this. Ask me this question – I’d say yes – but from what I have been hearing, I realise that different people think differently about this subject.

All you need is love

If I am a traveller I need not to journey across the land.. If I am a voyager I need not to cross the vast ocean.. and if I am captain I need not to soar throughout the blue sky.. for I need not to go anywhere but beside you.. because when I'm with you.. I already see the world.

~ Mark Aaron A. Corrales

Is this what I am going to feel?

I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn't know who I was — I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I'd never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn't know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn't scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost. I was halfway across America, at the dividing line between the East of my youth and the West of my future.

~ Jack Kerouac in 'On the Road'

Jobless!

A friend sent me this questionnaire - was fun - I had an awesome time filling it - hope u have fun reading it :)

1. You can whistle and steam can whistle, so why do you sing in the shower?

Coz steam won’t sing for me

2. The first time you had your shoes taken off - how surprised were you to see that you still had toes?

As surprised as I was when Mimoh’s first movie was a flop – totally expected.

3. Describe the sound of a moist waffle falling onto a hot griddle.

I don’t know – teeth chattering – me singing - mice giggling – dogs barking – frogs croaking.

4. Try making up the rules to a game where you tie knots in a yo-yo string just to see if you can get them out.

I don’t think am that jobless YET! I would rather play ludo.

5. You get to ride the big roller coaster three times in a row. What will keep your dad from taking a bite out of your candy apple?

Telling him that I saw our dog lick that candy apple.

6. Foxes are clever and tigers are cunning. So, what's your cat's safety school?
The Feline School of Sheer Nonsense.

7. Lionesses have no manes. How do they know when they're grown up?
I bunked all the biology classes in school – sorry!

8. Your bow is not broken but you've run out of arrows? How can you fake being a bard?
Bard is a poet right??? Jokes apart, is it Bard or Bart Simpson???

9. You forgot your mom's birthday!! What can you make out of super glue and olive pits?
A cake??

10. What's the best time you've ever had licking stamps?
Just after I watched Dead Poet’s society. Watching that movie was more boring than licking stamps I guess :)

11. If you could peer far enough into the night sky, you'd see a star in any direction you looked. When would you sleep?
Duh! When I close my eyes.

12. You have to dig a hole to China, where to you start?
From your ear

13. When you hesitate before hitting snooze on your alarm clock, are you being lazy?
No – am being abnormal.

14. You've written a hit musical! How will you avoid having fame go to your head?
By reminding myself that even Himesh Reshamiya has hit music to his credit even though he sucks!

15. The children are waiting! Please tell them the story about the bald frog with the wig.

Long long time ago - a frog was hungry – he ate his hair – he became bald. That’s how he was called the bald frog. The fish gifted him a wig – he ate his wig and the fish – and he ruled the pond happily ever after – the end.

16. You're trapped in a well with a goat and a slinky. Describe how you will escape.
Sing in my most “melodious” voice so that all the creatures in the well will throw me out of it within seconds. I am alive – am alive :P

17. If you were a pirate, how would you avoid laughing when saying poop deck?
Is it necessary to avoid laughing?

18. Your hand has been replaced by a rubber stamp. What does it say?
Mera bharat mahaan - am serious – dead serious.

19. Whoops! Your tongue is now a magnet. Whatever will you use for silverware?
I will eat with hands – good old Indian way :)

20. Your superpower is that you smell like dandelions whenever someone lies. How will you maintain your secret identity?
Always carry a porcupine with me coz porcupines stink!

21. Your pajamas have duckies on them. Why did you switch from choo-choos?
Coz I moved out of Lebanon and now wanna be accepted by the Iranians.

22. What's the earliest you've gotten up to watch cartoons and what did you see?
5 AM. The hindi news on Aaj Tak.


23. You've got to make contact with the alien leader. How will you tell when the conversation is finished?
When I feel like slapping the guy who arranged this meeting with the alien leader in the first place.

24. What reason do you have to believe the earth is flat?
I like to be referred to as a conservative grandma. Makes me feel very special.

25. Your people want to make a statue in your honor. What will it be made out of and what victory will it commemorate?
Cream and sugar – victory of the dog over the cat in my neighbourhood.

26. If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?
Clay is fun timepass!

27. Which is easier to make a model airplane out of and why: a banana peel or a wet sock?
A banana peel - coz U get to eat the banana before u can start making the airplane with the peel.

28. What would you wear for camouflage if you were hiding in a gingerbread house?
Something brown – duh duh duh!

29. For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:
Dear aunt- thanks for your gift. Please don’t send me a gift next year – gift vouchers will do :)

30. You have a red jar of cedar chips. Why do moths miss the forest?
The moths did not tell me – how would I know then? Lemme guess - coz they died?

31. Radio wire is often used to make bird nests. What station do they listen to?
The voices in Bart Simpsons’s head?? I heard its awesome entertainment.

32. Why do you think honeydew is the money melon?
Coz apples are the king of the forest.

33. What did you dream when you ate a spider while sleeping?
I dreamt that Mimoh was the reigning superstar of Indian cinema.

34. You've rented a sky-writer to propose to your significant other, but it's completely overcast. What will you do?
Do the frog jump in the rain?? No? Sounds like fun right?

35. The hair from your last haircut ... what would it say about your new style?
Tra la la lalalala

36. How do you pronounce the 'g' in bologna?
The ‘g’ is silent right?

37. In the dream where you show up to school naked, why do you never go swimming?
Coz I prefer to keep things practical n realistic even in dreams - when did you ever swim to school????

38. If there's no I in team, why is there meat?
I think coz there is a mirror around somewhere :)

39. What spells can you cast with magic markers?
Let’s not hope for much here – “spell”ings are all you get out of magic markers.

40. When you've got water stuck in your ear, how do you get it out?
Put your head in an oven and wait for the water to evaporate.

Did I dazzle you?

I had a 1590 on my SAT, I got a 44 on my MCAT, and I have a 4.0 GPA from MIT. I thought I had my life mapped out, but then I remembered what my non linear equations professor once told me, always account for variable change... I let down my good friends, but as it turns out, they weren't too bad at simple math either. I scored the prettiest girl in school. I got beaten down by an old school Vegas thug who was having trouble excepting his retirement, but I worked out a deal with him that got him a nice pension... And I lied to my mother, but I confessed a lie and well, she still loved me... So my senior year of college I joined this team and I learned this new skill. I went to Vegas 17 times to use it. I made hundreds of thousands of dollars counting cards. And then I had it all stolen from me, twice... How's that for life experience professor? Did I dazzle you? Did I jump off the page?

~ Ben Campbell in 21 (2008)

Heal the world

That's what hunger does to millions of people - some where - every day.


Make this site or this site your home page and you can make a difference to someone's life. Do your bit in healing the world - everyday - it's just a click away.

"Great art picks up where nature ends"

Google tells me it's Marc Chagall's birth anniversary today. When you first hear it, his name does not strike a chord but ever seen Notting Hill? This post will definitely remind you of Chagall if you are a huge fan of Notting Hill - like me :) On an honest note, I never quite understood his art - his definition and usage of symbolism was a little weird according to me - using goats, cows, horses and what not - somehow he did not seem conventional or normal. But he once said - "In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love." Yeah, he had his quirks - but he was weird, queer, wise man awrite :)

H-A-P-P-Y-N-E-S-S

It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson, the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking: How did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue. And maybe we can actually never have it, no matter what. How did he know that?

~Christopher Gardner in The Pursuit of happyness (2006)

Frankly speaking

Marriage - why don't some people understand the weight - true meaning - essence - of this word. Everyone is in a hurry to get married - but do they know what they are signing up for - I don't know. I have seen many friends get married in front of me and most of them are sad - bored - tired. No logic exists - no words can explain it - no silence can justify it - the suffocation of a marriage going bad.

Who can one blame - the wife - the husband - the parents. I don't understand arranged marriages - they somehow mostly don't work in today's world. Don't get me wrong - am not supporting love marriages blindly - but come on - you at least know what you are signing up for - if things go wrong or right, you are at least living the consequences of decisions made by you. In an arranged marriage - you live some one else's decision - is it fair - is it right - I don’t know.

One advice to any guy who would care to listen - treat your girls with respect - they are smart, intelligent girls - treat them well - if you can't make them smile - at least don't hurt them with your words and actions - when you marry a girl, she does not become your slave - get that into your head first. All adjustments are not to be done by the girl alone - learn to adjust for Pete’s sakes!

For girls - adjust with your guys - but not at the cost of your self-respect. It's wrong to take things lying down beyond a certain point. Respect him but don’t forget to respect yourself for what you are - don't let any guy tell you how you are supposed to live your life.

Yep - I have spoken my mind - I can only imagine the helplessness of the two partners involved - pray for them - talk to them. They have to help themselves out - to make things work.

Hilarious

Disclaimer: To maintain the flow of the post, I have forgotten modesty momentarily and have gone ahead and typed the kind adjectives used by friends for me - excueeeej me :)

Recently, a conversation went something like this -

G: Hey – wonder wot’s up with V man! He’s going to BITS, Pilani! Told ya – he’s one fundoo freak!

R: Serious! Cool man! We slog it out in Bhavan’s while he’s off to Pilani – man some people just have it all….sigh

G: Not all that bad man – almost all studs out of BITS have big heads – all snobs – snooty weirdos – show offs I tell ya.

R: Hmm….you are right. Maybe we are not in that bad a place in life after all. Look at us - look at Dollz - we are modest, down-to-earth people – we wouldn’t have been like that - if we were from say BITS or IIT – right?

Me: I am not so sure about that :)

R: Ya right! BTW, which college are you from anyways?

Me: (after a long pause and a grin) BITS, Pilani :)

Long silence followed by laughter – these are definitely good times I say :)

For the love of money?

“The moon belongs to everyone - the best things in life are free
The stars belong to everyone - they gleam there for you and me
And love can come to everyone - the best things in life are free”

The last time I heard those lines I had laughed at my friend who told them (rather sang them) to me and made him see how only money matters and is the very reason for our mere existence – I could not convince him then – neither could he convince me. Weirdly, I found myself quoting those very lines to another friend recently – I was trying to make him see how one could have good times with no money involved. Again – he could not convince me – neither could I convince him.

This whole turn of events made me wonder - when did I start thinking like that. Money still is very important to me – but is it my raison d'etre – am not sure. Money can buy me every happiness, which I have always dreamed about since forever – I can go to Scotland – I can buy my Mercedes - my Rado - my Vertu – I can shop at Gucci, Ralph Lauren, Prada, Guess outlets – I can stay at the Hilton & the Ritz – I can have several exotic meals at Le Jules Verne on Eiffel Tower – I could have everything that money could buy – but would those things just give me temporary thrill or could those things assure me permanent happiness – am not sure. If money was indeed the answer to all problems, is it true that fantastically rich people are never sad – do they have no problems – is life a party for them always - am not sure.

I don’t need money - to laugh over a joke – to enjoy the beauty of a scenic view – to act like a kid at times – to enjoy the rains – to share good time with friends – to draw different shapes with clouds in the sky – simple joys – small pleasures – genuine happiness. Don’t get me wrong – I definitely agree that money is the pre-requisite for a comfortable life – money cannot be ignored – money is definitely something – but is it everything – am not sure. Money is a means to achieve happiness – but do we mostly confuse it for happiness in itself – am not sure. Jonathan Swift definitely knew what he was talking about when he said that a wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart. Seriously, friends who know me are gonna be real surprised after reading this post – but yeah guys, some thoughts change as life catches up with you :)

“The moon belongs to everyone – the best things in life are free” – I think I understand today wot my friend was trying to explain to me back then. Well said dude – rather - well sung.

Vanakkam Chennai

I admit that 30 odd hours aren’t enough to know a city – but one does get a feel of the vibe of the place right? I visited Chennai this week and since then I have been thinking of what to write about the place - I thought about it all the way on the return flight- on my way back home – but still could not find the right words to describe the experience.

I had been to Chennai before - when it was Madras - but that was long back - had no memories from those times. This trip wasn’t something that I was looking forward to. It was an obligation – a necessity – to visit the place. When my flight landed at the airport, I braced myself for the supposed nightmare called Chennai. But, I was in for a surprise. The view that met me as soon I exited the airport was awesome – a huge hillock - covered with greens – set against a cloudy, sleepy evening sky. They say first impressions matter and boy was I impressed. I just stood there watching – taking in the beauty of the scene – till our cab arrived. The drive to the guesthouse was slow and rhythmic. I was registering the sights of the city as we sped along. People often tell me that this is a hot, dull and boring city – I met a different Chennai – this one was lively – fresh – exciting. Long rows of brightly-lit shops – coffee stands – people spilling onto roads – cars and buses honking – Tamil scrawled on walls and hoardings here and there – a lonely tree every now and then – the normal daily buzz of life was everywhere.

I was filled with awe the first time I saw IIT Chennai and Anna University. Both have beautiful campuses. Anna Univ. has few beautifully crafted buildings. I just walked around in silence. Just standing on the hallowed grounds of IIT was a surreal experience – honestly. People everywhere in Chennai give such warm and honest smiles to complete strangers. I was having a tough time conversing in Tamil but all people I met were amazingly patient and even the staunchest locals struggled to speak in English and even in Hindi just for my convenience – that was really sweet - we had a hearty laugh over the millions of mistakes I made while speaking in Tamil.

Chennai came across as a city of chruches – almost every busy road – every narrow lane – led to a quiet church – all calm and peaceful – distinct -in contrast with all the chaos surrounding it.

The long, never-ending Marina Beach remained to be checked out. The feel of silky sands on bare feet – gentle waves kissing the shores lazily every now and then – a bunch of excited kids playing cricket – long rows of beautifully coloured boats – nets lying tangled on the shores - fisher men and women at work – looking all busy and important – friends and families sharing good times. I felt all tiny and small standing on the shores and staring at the horizon across deep blue waters. My heart felt light – with happiness. I am sure that beach must have gifted beautiful memories to all who had ever been there.

I approached Chennai as a prejudiced stranger – I don’t know when I became friends with her. Chennai is filled with simple joys – enjoying dosai and a kappi early in the morning with a light drizzle for company – eating hot sambar rice with crisp appalams on a banana leaf - walking along Marina Beach – lazing around in Chennai Citi Centre – exploring Adyar – getting the feel of IIT – speaking in broken tamil and having a hearty laugh over my mistakes – meeting amazingly warm and friendly people – smiling back at shy, curious kids – the veshtis – the Kanjeevarams – I liked every bit of Chennai that I saw – I enjoyed every moment spent there.

Before I knew, I was back at the airport – staring at that beautiful hilly terrain once again. Back to where I started I guess – there was a difference now though – Chennai was no longer a stranger to me.

Maybe

She: It hurts

He: Yeah - it does

She: Wot hurts you dude?

He: Watching Vidya in Kismet Konnection. Sad!

She: Wot hurts - to love someone with all your heart knowing that your presence or absence makes no difference to him - knowing that he doesnt miss you even in the smallest way possible - knowing that you are not a part of his world - knowing that you are doing the most impractical thing on this planet and still doing it anyway - that hurts.

He: Ouch - that must actually hurt - is that why we are sitting in a temple right now?

She: Maybe

He: Well - think about this - isnt it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?

She: Easier said than done

He: Is that why we are sitting in a temple right now?

She: Maybe

Rules to love?

Typical weekend – typical plans – saw the movie 'Rules' with friends. It was fantastic – fabulous - awesome - wot a film! Milind Soman was super cool as usual – Meera Vasudevan as Radha was a real sweetheart – Tanuja really rocked it as the been-there-done-that super funky grandma. However the best thing about the movie was the theme – interesting – intriguing – hilarious – a formula to love – a set of rules to make someone love you.

The film made for an interesting chat afterwards – do such rules actually work in real life? Or does love know no rules? Can you modulate your behaviour to make some one fall for you? Then what are first impressions all about? Is the whole wooing and flattering ritual over-rated? Can you actually make love happen? Is it okay to fake an image in love? Is it justified to pretend just because you’re in love? Is it after all really true that all’s fair in love?

The questions ended as the coffee mugs emptied – all said and done – Rules was a really good watch – with some beautifully written songs like this one - rock on :)

Whattae song I say!

Heard this song after very long - lovely tune - beautiful lyrix - divine vocals - its been playing on repeat on my iPod all through this week - sheer bliss - pure ecstasy :)

Mere mann yeh bata de tu - kis or chala hai tu
Kya paya nahi tune - kya dhoondh raha hai tu

Jo hai ankahee - jo hai ansunee
Woh baat kya hai bata
Mitwa - kahe dhadkane tujhse kya
Mitwa - yeh khud se to na tu chhupa

Jeevan dagar mein - prem nagar mein
Aaya nazar mein jab se koi hai
Tu sochta hai - tu poochta hai
Jis ki kami thi kya yeh wohi hai
Haan yeh wohi hai - haan yeh wohi hai
Tu ek pyaasa aur yeh nadi hai
Kaahe nahi isko tu khul ke bataye

Jo hai ankahee - jo hai ansunee
Woh baat kya hai bata
Mitwa - kahe dhadkane tujhse kya
Mitwa - yeh khud se to na tu chhupa

Teri nigahen paa gayee raahein
Par tu yeh soche - jau na jau
Yeh zindagi jo - hai naachti to
Kyun bediyon mein hai tere paanv
Preet ki dhun par naach le pagal
Udta agar hai - udne de aanchal
Kaahe koi apne ko aise tarasaye

Jo hai ankahee - jo hai ansunee
Woh baat kya hai bata
Mitwa - kahe dhadkane tujhse kya
Mitwa - yeh khud se to na tu chhupa

Mere mann yeh bata de tu - kis or chala hai tu
Kya paya nahi tune - kya dhoondh raha hai tu

Song: Mitwa
OST: Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna (2006)

Justice...finally

Bijal Joshi – I knew nothing about her - till today. She must have lived an ordinary happy life – like most of us do – but she had no clue about what her future held for her – a mind-numbing agony and a relieving death. She was killed in spirit on December 31, 2003 and she committed suicide on January 7, 2004. She was finally delivered justice today – details follow here

Every attempt possible was made to save the accused but finally amidst all that - truth prevailed. While the lifer for the five accused re-affirms one’s faith in the judicial system of this country, alongside I find it hard to ignore this recurring thought – for her family the wait lasted five years – agonizing, painful, suffocating five years – her family’s agony can only be imagined – can anything ever make up for that time lost - isn’t justice delayed justice denied? All I can do is whisper a silent prayer for all those Bijal’s, Aarushi’s & Jessica’s out there - who die a silent, untimely, cruel death – for no fault of their own - every day – every minute.

Nostalgia

I know this feeling from before....this isn't pain I am feeling - it's nostalgia.

~Ally McBeal

He said - she said

She: Just imagine - wot if I might actually get to be one of those lucky people.

He: Wot lucky people?

She: You know how some people are together because they feel they cant do better - or how some people are sad and miserable living alone all their lives - and then there is this tiny miniscule group of lucky people - who actually get to be with the ones they are madly in love with.

He: Have you ever considered just being in love - and leave the madly bit out of it?

Oil's not well

The government finally went ahead and did it – announced a hike. Sadly, it was not a salary hike – but a hike in fuel prices. It was always an imminent move given the steep rise in crude oil prices in the international markets in recent times. The only consensus about oil prices right now is that they are not about to come down any sooner in the near future. The first reaction of anyone to the hikes would be to scream "Not fair!" – but a closer look at the details helps one see the bigger picture.

Let’s face it – the losses being incurred by oil companies in India have been to the tune of Rs.2,00,000 odd crores. If the fuel prices in Indian markets were not hiked now, then the companies would have, sooner or later, run out of money to buy crude and then the country would have – literally - come to a halt. As a matter of fact, these hikes – if anything – are only providing only temporary and partial relief. We need to realise that even with these hikes in place, these companies are still making a loss.

Agreed that the price rise might boost inflation further, which is already rocketing upwards to new all-time highs - but inflation control is to be chiefly done through the proper channels and by the right institutions. One solution could be to let rupee have a steady rise against the dollar, which would counter the rising oil prices. Another option could be to harden interest rates – with a healthy GDP growth rate, this would actually be considered a calculated risk. Shifting focus from inflation solutions, let’s acknowledge the fact that the government at the Centre, on its part, has cut taxes on fuel and a few Left-ruled and Congress-ruled states are already following suit. Most factions are chipping in to deal with the problem – then why should the common man be left behind – this question surely deserves a thought.

Meanwhile, amidst all this turmoil, to watch political parties of the Opposition resort to good, old opportunism – is to watch a repeat telecast of the blatant misuse of democracy. The mindless and hasty strikes called by the Opposition do not – in any way – reflect remotely reasonable sensibilities. The strikes organised across few states is only for protesting against fuel hike – no party involved in these strikes has come forth with an alternative long-term solution to the crude oil crisis facing the nation currently. My question for these parties is that when the country imports oil, shouldn’t it pay the prevailing international price? Shouldn’t the nation as a whole bear the burden of price rise?

To cut a long story short, this "oil shock" – as some are calling it – is here to stay and we better get used to it. Let’s face this long-known, well-ignored fact atleast now –all’s not well – rather – oil’s not well.

Exquisite

Vincent Van Gogh – always a revelation. His works of art speak to you – you interpret them in a different way every time you look at them. Exquisite brush strokes – striking colour contrasts – weirdly haunting mundane images – amazing variety in portrayal of emotions, moods and influences through shapes, colors and objects.

Brian Eno once said that "I've always thought that art is a lie, an interesting lie. And I'll sort of listen to the "lie" and try to imagine the world which makes that lie true... what that world must be like, and what would have to happen for us to get from this world to that one." Van Gogh’s world intrigues me and I can never tire of imagining it.


Poetry surrounds us everywhere, but putting it on paper is not as easy as looking at it. ~Gogh

A good picture is equivalent to a good deed. ~Gogh

It is not the language of painters but the language of nature which one should listen to. . . . The feeling for the things themselves, for reality, is more important than the feeling for pictures. ~Gogh

I dream my painting and then paint my dream. ~Gogh

Keep your love of nature, for that is the true way to understand art more and more. ~Gogh


I believe there is nothing more artistic than to love people. ~Gogh

When I have a terrible need of — shall I say the word — religion, then I go out and paint the stars. ~Gogh

Brian Eno also said that "Rationality is what we do to organize the world, to make it possible to predict. Art is the rehearsal for the inapplicability and failure of that process." I guess the world owes its success in some ways to the failures of Van Gogh.

Creative Tolerance

I was having an interesting discussion with some friends yesterday about the recent clean chit given to the famous painter, M F Husain by the High Court for obscene portrayal of certain goddesses’ and Bharat Mata in some of his paintings. There are still 3 cases pending against the man –hope those are resolved soon as well – anyways, the whole discussion got me intrigued about the case and on googling it up for more details, what I found sure did surprise me – the judgement given by Justice Kaul in this matter deserves a round of applause. Besides the legal aspects of the case, his supplementary observations definitely are worth a mention -–two points particularly stand out.

One – he rejects the tendency of certain individuals and sections to be offended by works of art or literature. If one is offended – one should not read the specific book or look at the particular painting, but one has no right to stop someone else from expressing himself. What is vital is to look at any work of art from the artist’s point of view rather than that of the viewer.

Two – mindful of the fact that he may come across to certain sections as someone who does not understand that liberal attitude to art just reflects the mindset of a paltry minority with a vast majority only being offended with the kind of art his judgement will protect, he goes on to defend his line of thinking with the following lines – "A crude view of democracy gives a distorted picture…In real democracy, a dissenter must feel at home and not be looking nervously looking all around fearing captivity or harm for his unconventional or critical views. There should be freedom for the thought we hate. Freedom of speech has no meaning if there is no freedom after speech".

He concludes his statement with a hope that his judgement will serve as a prologue to a broader thinking and greater tolerance for the creative field. To hear such language and logic from an Indian High Court Judge - who has all the liberty to interpret the right to freedom in the most conservative fashion – sure does give a lot of hope for the future of creative expression in India.

However, all claps apart, how practical it is to expect such liberal attitude from all Indians? To what extent can odd and offendable forms of creative expression be ignored in a widely conservative country like India? Should there be no social bounds on creative expression? Can art get away with blasphemy? Is Husain right in taking liberty with his depiction of religion? Can it be ignored in the name of artistic license? Doesn’t art have a moral bearing on the society that inspires its very existence? Or does art merely depict a society’s hidden –sometimes unthinkable - perception on many unspoken and taboo issues? These questions remain – perhaps with no absolute answers.

Slander Games

Gruesome – shocking – scandalizing. These words summarize Aarushi Talwar’s death. She was too young to have any significant achievements to her credit – too old to not have any dreams for her future. What is it about her death that has caught so many eyeballs? I mean, murders happen daily – regularly – much crueler murders happen. Then why this chaos about this certain Aarushi? Maybe because she was just like anyone amongst us – regular – normal. Maybe because her death reminds us that we are perhaps not safe even within the confines of our own house. Whatever the reasons for the attention being given to her murder, what shocks me even more is the manner in which the media is highlighting and dissecting her life and character. Her conversations, emails, SMS'es and even her orkut profile is prime time news – her whole life is under public scrutiny – anyone who is anybody can have a say on what kind of girl was Aarushi – one doesn’t need to even know her personally for that.

Character assassination of Aarushi Talwar sure does look like a lot of fun – given how much the media is enjoying every passing moment of it. This just makes me wonder whatever happened to responsible journalism? Ethics? Morals? Values? Professionalism? When I switch on the television to watch news, I want to watch facts pertinent to her death and facts, that might help in nabbing the culprits – I am not interested in finding out unnecessary details about her friendships, family relations and phone transactions. I hope the media gives her some grace in her death and the journos behave like civilized human beings for once. Let’s not make a joke out of her death - draw a line somewhere and keep it professional.

Stray thoughts

Every night for the past week, I am searching for something when I look at the stars in the sky - answers - wonder when I will find them.

Things that make me smile :)

A smile on my ma’s face – I seriously believe that she is God’s special gift to me.

When pa falls asleep while reading his books – it is seriously cute.

Whenever any of my friends is smitten and in love – they are so happy and are ever-smiling like complete idiots.

Whenever I crack a really bad PJ and my friends go - "Oh Gawwwwwwwddddd!" :)

Seeing people talking busily into their cell phones – smiling – they seem so happy – makes me feel good.

Receiving hand-written letters – something so warm and personal about them – way better than any e-mail or gift.

Sipping buttermilk on a hot summer afternoon – actually anytime of the day – any day in the year.

Whenever my favorite song plays on the radio – when I least expect it.

Whenever I ride a cycle – seriously makes me feel like am back in school :)

Kids in my lane running after the ice cream van every evening – it’s chaos.

When I listen to the temple bells ringing in the distance every morning while I am waiting for my bus – makes me love God all the more :)

The garden in my neighbour’s house – she really loves her plants and flowers – it’s so sweet :)

The two kittens – hidden away behind that pile of sand opposite my house – they always keep peeping out – like naughty kids :)

The Mercedes parked 3 blocks away from my house – what a car! I want to own one someday :)

The stars in the sky which I see every night before I fall asleep.

Evening walks with ma on Sunday evenings.

Kids singing old-forgotten nursery rhymes in the day care center in my lane – every Saturday morning – I look forward to Saturday mornings only to listen to rhymes :)

The bus ride every morning from my house to office – I feel it’s the best time of the day – I love those rides.

Any mail from friends in my inbox

Serendipity, Notting Hill, Lagaan & Hum Tum – these movies make me smile – EVERYTIME.

Idli & sambar – I can die eating that combination :)

Oh ya – I almost forgot - shopping – coz lets face it – am just another girl after all :)

Note to self

Yesterday was a roller coaster of emotions. I vaguely remember the last time I felt so many emotions at once – that day was not a happy day – yesterday was not a happy day either – it was a mind-numbing experience. I just mechanically walked through the day – oblivious to the happenings around me. However, today is different – it’s a new day. Have you ever heard your thoughts speak to you – in complete silence. They speak to you – always – telling you the right thing to do – I decided to listen – now I know the right thing to do – smile – laugh – through the pain – through the tears. I know I will be fine – maybe not immediately – but over time – sometime – some day – in some way – because no matter what happens, life is always beautiful – always giving you a million reasons to smile – it’s always your personal choice to choose happiness over misery – and I have chosen happiness. Also, no pain in life that a good, old plate of dosa and chutney cant cure – so three cheers to therapeutic South Indian food, to good times, to friends and to life :)

Dancing

I'm a menace to myself, dancing this close to heartbreak.

~Bright Lights, Big City

Smiling

Nothing makes you smile harder than a simple, off-the-track, casual, least-expected compliment - thanks :)

Arrrrrrrrrggghhh!!!

Its official - filling the annual appraisal is not a fun task - its BORING :)

PS: There are other things happening which make me smile though - so life's good :)

Twice

Two days in a row. Some times you just get lucky :)

Prejudice – stereotypes – bias

I am bored of it – tired of it – makes me wanna go “DAMN” at times. Not every girl is an airhead – some girls DO know Unix.

An afterthought: Not every guy is a pig – gentlemen do exist - believe it or not - had breakfast with one today morning :)

For you - a thousand times over

It’s 1 AM on a Friday night. Tomorrow is a holiday. I have just finished reading The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini – the fourth time. My heart feels heavy – and light – at the same time – don’t ask me how – it just does.

I became what I am today at the age of twelve, on a frigid overcast day in the winter of 1975. I remember the precise moment, crouching behind a crumbling mud wall, peeking into the alley near the frozen creek. That was a long time ago, but it’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out. Looking back now, I realize I have been peeking into that deserted alley for the last twenty-six years. ~Amir

Very few books make an impact like this one – it makes you feel so many things at once – it makes you smile – frown – smirk – giggle – sigh – wring with guilt – seethe with anger – makes you want to take sides – then makes you want to be impartial and understanding - it’s a roller coaster of emotions.

I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night. ~Amir

The protagonist is as human as one can be – he is no hero – actually far from it. The nonchalance with which he brings about – his justification of his actions at times – his silent guilt – his pain of losing a friendship – his yearning for his father’s love – the jealousy he feels for Hassan – his confusion – his futile attempts to forget the past. Amir could be anyone among us – everyone has ghosts they fear facing – hidden long-forgotten secrets – we all have an Amir hidden away somewhere deep down.

I ran. A grown man running with a swarm of screaming children. But I didn't care. I ran with the wind blowing in my face, and a smile as wide as the valley of Panjsher on my lips. I ran. ~Amir

The tale represents hope to me – hope to someday correct your wrongs – hope to somehow make a difference to some one’s life – hope to somehow smile whole-heartedly some day – hope to come clean of your sins – hope – that’s what keeps the world going right – or was it love? :)

Quiet is peace. Tranquility. Quiet is turning down the volume knob on life. Silence is pushing the off button. Shutting it down. All of it. ~Amir

Yep – shutting it down it is – till the next time I pick this one off my bookshelf – for the fifth time.

For you - a thousand times over. ~Amir

This one will haunt me for a long time to come though.

:)

I thought I saw your face in the evening sky
On a lonesome cloud that was drifting by

Brilliant

Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.... that's a tough one. But I'll take a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. and somebody puts a code on my desk, something noone else can break. Maybe I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East, and once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hidin'- fifteen hundred people that I never met, never had no problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', oh, "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot, just like it wasn't them when their number got called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie over there, takin' shrapnel in the ass; he comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from, and the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price, and of course the oil companies use the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices- a cute little ancillary benefit for them, but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. They're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, o' course, maybe they even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs; it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So now my buddy's outta work, he can't afford to drive, so he's walkin' to the fuckin' job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids, and meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what did I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. I figure screw it, while I'm at it, why not just shoot my buddy, take his job, give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a villiage, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected President.

~Will Hunting in Good Will Hunting (1997)

Love u pa

What I remember - those early morning walks - smelling the flowers - click of cameras - those bedtime stories - those fixed Saturday afternoon lunches – spending hours choosing your spectacle frames - waiting for long hours at the dentist with those same old jokes being retold a million times - the same old laughing over those cliched jokes - your smile the first time I ever wore spectacles in my life and cried :) - you narrating the tales from Ramayana and Mahabharata to me more than a million times - our shared love for animals – our cooking lunches and dinners together sometimes - you laughing your heart out every time I was pissed off because we were not on time - you laughing every time I screamed seeing a lizard - you asking me to explain concepts like phase and amplitude - your emails to me while I was away from home for 4 years - your one-minute calls to ask me if I needed anything back at the hostel - the smile on your face when I got back home every 4 months - our plans to surprise ma - your concern every time I got delayed at work – you smiled when I smiled – you cried when I cried – you never told me how to live my life – you just let me watch you live yours – thanks pa.

2 AM

Just one of those days – am smiling since a very long time for no particular reason – that song has been playing on my ipod for the last 1 hour – I think it will play for another hour – wonder if it’s the lyrics – the memories that come back with the song – wonder if it’s the song at all – have been dancing around for the heck of it – trying to put down my feelings but have no right words – it’s like floating in the clouds – it’s like feeling giddy standing on the 23 rd floor of a high rise and looking down – it’s like the feeling of ecstasy you get while dancing really fast. This person I see in the mirror – wonder if I will meet the same excited person next time I see the mirror some other day – some other time – am happy - just want this euphoria to continue – for some more time – perhaps forever :)

Pursuing happiness

She could be any one amongst us – she is my friend - she has the perfect life when seen from a distance – in every way – but she is not happy – like most of us. She does not know why – she has no major troubles – no issues – but something is amiss - however hard she tries, she is not able to find her exact problem. My recent conversations with her got me thinking - do we sometimes search for happiness in the wrong places – do we always have to search for happiness – should we be more busy creating reasons to smile rather than wondering why there are not enough reasons. Way back in school, I got a gift – it was a wooden plaque which had these words engraved on it – "Happiness is not about having everything – it is about enjoying everything we have". True – simple lessons in life are maybe meant to be the easiest to forget and the most difficult to recollect – else we would be in a perfect world and life just might be boring.

Worth a thought

Sometimes you have to let go to realise if you had something worth holding on to.

~Anonymous

Happy new year???

Take 1: Somewhere in Mumbai

Take 2: Somewhere in Kochi

It is becoming the usual way India celebrates the arrival of a new year. It happened on New Year’s eve in 2006 – it happened on New Year’s eve in 2007 - it happened when Dhoni and his men brought the T-20 World Cup home - it happened when the new year was rung in yesterday. No - I am not talking about celebrations – I am talking about molestation of women. On one of the news channel debates, a police chief had to say that the women were at fault – they were in an inebriated state – they were inappropriately dressed to be walking on a road – they "invited trouble" for themselves.

I am amazed at the double standards, which exist for a man, and for a woman in the Indian society. Good girls stay at home on New Years eve and the "fun" ones hang around and ring in the new year with their friends at one of the million parties in one of those discos. Doesn’t a city belong to a woman? Doesn’t she have the right to celebrate the New Years eve in any manner she wants? Doesn’t she have the right to join the procession in Mumbai, which welcomed Team India after their win in South Africa? Does a woman have to play the role of a moral science teacher to a man at every stage of life? Can’t a man decide and stick to his morals for himself? Does she always have to be a victim of the stereotypes of few stifled minds, which define the ideal decent behaviour for a girl?

Shame on the police who eat the tax payer’s money to protect the citizens – men and women – and then leave the women of the society to take care of themselves. They say a society without a conscience gets a police without a conscience – I guess we are getting what we deserve at some level. Somehow even the most developed and safe country cannot boast of a safe terrain for a lady – whether we decide to do something about it or just shake our head for a while and move on in life – that is an individual's choice.